when life get tough and hard, remember one thing -- it will never be permanent. And remember life is a wheel, a fair wheel coz Allah Almighty is Fair and All knowing. Your life will never be difficult forever. There gonna be a silver lining after a rainbow. Sometimes, what we plan will never be in the order...everything become upside down. But never-mind, make yourself adjustable. Keep calm and move on. And always refresh your niat in your journey/jihad. Remember the only thing you want is 'rehda Allah' and the only destination is 'Jannatul Firdaus'. InsyaAllah.
And if at that moment, i am still alive, you just can share it with me or ayah. Spill your heart out. we will be there for you son, insyaAllah.
P/s - anak jantan haruslah kuat!